October is National Bullying Prevention Month which is why I wanted to share a series of posts with you about bullying, how to prevent it, what to do about it and ways and resources to get help if someone you love is being bullied.
Bullying has been in the news a lot lately due to school shootings, child and teenager suicides and the increase in cyber bullying. While we don’t necessarily know the cause of these events increase, it is starting the conversation to encourage teachers, students, and parents to deal with the bullying problem rampant in schools and society today.
Don’t Blame Your Child
This may seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be shocked to learn that there are people out there who blame the victim for being bullied.
They’ll claim with no facts to back it up that the child must be doing something to cause the other kids to bully them. But, usually this is not the case at all. And if it was true, wouldn’t bullies get bullied?
DO make sure that you tell your child that they aren’t to blame and that it’s not their fault. It’s never the victim’s fault about what happens to them.
Bullies choose any convenient target to attack and tend to keep picking on victims that react in a way that they like, but that doesn’t make it the victim’s fault.
Don’t Joke about It
Some parents and siblings think that it’s best to make light of the situation, but the truth is it’s one of the worst things that you can do.
For a child who is being bullied, their life becomes a horrible ordeal that they must get through whenever they are just doing the normal things they need to do each day, like go to school.
DO take the child seriously and let them know that you take it seriously. Comfort them and encourage them to realize that if others are teasing them, it’s not something you think is funny or that anyone should think is funny.
Don’t Immediately Blame the School
While it would be nice if class sizes were smaller, the truth is most educators have no choice but to try to control and teach 30 kids in a class (and even more in some places). This makes it hard to notice everything that is happening. That’s not an excuse; it’s the reality of where we are with education, at least in the USA.
DO talk to the teacher, the principal, and other interested parties and try to craft a plan to address the problem in a way that helps your child.
The main thing is to show everyone that the bullied child is supported and that bullying will not be tolerated in your school.
Don’t Hide the Situation
Even if your child is embarrassed by the situation, don’t hide it from the school or anyone. If it’s open knowledge that a certain child is bullying your child, even other kids will start to realize that this is not a good thing, and the bully may stop just due to positive peer pressure.
This openness is going to help remove the shame of the situation from the bullied child.
Don’t Encourage Violence
It seems like a good movie plot. The bullied child strikes back and beats up the bully. Or the best friend beats up the bully. Someone always beats up the bully.
But the truth is, violence is just making the problem worse. If you react in a better way, you’re going to be more likely to stop the bullying behavior long term.
While you don’t want your child to be a doormat, you do want them to find other ways to deal with issues than violence when it is possible. Of course, if the bully starts hitting your child, your child should feel that they have full permission to defend themselves.
Don’t Ignore the Problem
Many parents think that if they just ignore the problem, it’ll eventually go away. Unfortunately, if a bully is getting a response from your child, they may never stop until both are out of school unless you figure out how to stop it.
When you talk about the problem in the open, it’s going to be easier to solve. As a parent, you can’t ignore the problem because you’re responsible for your child emotionally and physically. Ignoring the issue may encourage even more bullying.
Don’t Criticize Your Child
It is true that often a bully picks a certain child due to their reaction to the abuse. They easily push the child’s buttons, making them cry or get scared.
The bully loves this type of interaction as it makes them feel powerful. But your child meanwhile feels powerless and likely suffers from some PTSD, which will enhance their reactions even more.
DO encourage higher self-esteem in your child so that they can resist reacting to the bully more effectively. Plus, encourage them to tell a teacher, find a buddy, and report to you anything that happens each day.
Don’t Contact the Bully’s Parents
It might be tempting to call the bully’s parents and tell on the child. But the problem is that most parents don’t welcome this type of call and react poorly to it. You may even cause more problems for your child than they already have.
DO tell the school administration and let them know that you expect some form of action on the bullying to include a school-wide anti-bullying training for teachers, students, and parents.
The bullying training can occur on a PTA meeting night so that parents know how to recognize signs that their child is being abused or that their child is being abusive.
Don’t Let Anger Guide You
When your child is being harmed, it’s easy to get angry. This is most especially true when a child is being bullied and you feel as if the school and administration (or the other parents) aren’t doing enough to stop it.
Instead of getting angry DO start educating people. Offer to lead a program at the school to stop bullying. You can get these materials from various organizations including Stop Bullying Now.
Using this guide is going to make it easier to deal with a situation of bullying. If you think your child is being bullied, don’t delay getting everyone involved to put a stop to it!!
Cindy Merrill says
One of my blogger’s kids was being bullied so she complained to her daughter’s school-their solution was to force both girls to sit next to each other in all of their classes- this resulted in even worse abuse.
MY advice was to go straight to the media.
She did. The bully was transferred to a different school.
Africa says
I think it requires more than just complaining – following up with the school, counselor, teachers, etc. There are plenty of resources out there, which is what we need to ensure a resolution is reached. Albeit not at all easy, this I know!
Lee Ann says
Thank you do saying not to blame the school right away. My mom is a teacher and says the hardest thing is dealing with parents who do not trust them.
Dorothy Boucher says
This is so important to getting the word out, I know when I was younger, many have tried to bully me, but it didn’t work with me. I don’t like it . Anyway’ thanks for sharing.
@tisonlyme143
Christina Gould says
Bullying among children has been an issue for too many generations. We really need to teach children how to socialize properly. Thanks for posting!
Tamra Phelps says
This is all excellent advice. I think at some point, all kids will find themselves being bullied. We have to teach our kids not only that bullying is wrong but how to cope if it happens to them. They have to know they can seek help and they don’t have to just accept it.
Jonel Thompson says
I hate to see this happening to kids. It can have a terrible outcome or it can have a wonderful outcome by bringing awareness