Just write – Tuesdays: Contemplation

Contemplation……contemplating what it is that encourages us to make the decisions we do?? What spurred me on to make one choice compared to another??

I went through a stage, a time in my life that my decisions were not the smartest.  It was as if I had a rebellious stage….only problem is that I was well over the age I should be to go through such a stage!!  Perhaps it was because I didn’t go through this stage as a youngster as I should have.  And the stage, well it overstayed it’s welcome.

I was always a responsible individual, perhaps taking it to the extreme.  I didn’t go against the grain all that much.  Sure I caused my folks some grey hairs, but overall I was a rather well behaved youngster.  Then I came to the United States at the young age of 19.  I left everyone and everything I knew behind and boarded a plane…….brave, crazy, determined??  The jury is still out!

So here I was – 19 years old, never been away from home for longer then 2 weeks on my own, moved to a foreign country, trying to figure things out.  I made the decision to put my nose to the grind stone and make the very best of the opportunity my parents were giving me by sending me over here!!  I studied, played hockey, studied, worked, studied, slept and studied!!

Fast forward 4 years – I graduate, magna cum laude, have numerous other awards, and I have my first full time job all secured.  I work, and immediately start preparing for the CPA exams.  This took a little longer then I’d hoped, but by September 2006 I am a licensed CPA.
In 2007 I start the CMA exams, I don’t focus fully on these, I took the first part and passed that first time but don’t take the next exam until 2009, at which point I passed it.
However, herewith comes the bad decisions and lack of proper motivation.  It was as if my inner child was screaming out to me, yelling at me to be a ‘regular’ person, to go out, enjoy life, party, all the things I sort of set aside as I focused on reaching my goals, pushing myself to attain everything I set out to do and ensuring that I made my parents proud of me, they sacrificed a lot in order to send me here.

So I made the decision to go ahead with what my ‘inner child’ was telling me to do.  I partied, made new friends, some healthy, some not.  I set aside my ‘plans/goals’ and I went with the flow.  Don’t get me wrong, not all of this was bad, I had fun, I deserved to have fun, I’d worked so hard.

The problem came when having fun was more important then other things, like focusing on my career, completing my CMA and getting my MBA (which was part of my original plans/goals).  This comes the point where I am disappointed in myself.  Granted this ‘stage’ didn’t last years and years……but I allowed myself to set aside what should have been important, way more important then partying, drinking and generally not being too focused on my own well being.
I blame NO ONE for this stage of my life, no one but myself!!!  I don’t regret it all, I made memories, some I’d rather forget, some I’ll cherish forever, I made friends, I gained a BFF and I LEARNT!!!!  I learnt a lot about myself, a lot about people and most definitely a lot about life!!

That life, the partying, drinking, doing everything to the excess is NOT the life I want.  I am glad I went through it, I had my fun and I am most grateful that I came through it not too worse for wear.  Perhaps a bit behind on the goals I’d set for myself and my life, but even that taught me that life isn’t always ‘planable’………sometimes life gets in the way of living and we cannot have 200% control 300% of the time!!!

So……memories were made, fun was had, and most importantly lessons were learnt, I’ve moved onto a better, and healthier ME!!!  I have my whole life ahead of me and I have a life partner along side me, we’re in this for the long haul!!
I cannot ask for more from life then what I have right now, everything is back on track.  I am thankful for everything……it made me who I am today and I wouldn’t change any of this!!!

(This is why I blog……..it’s cheaper then a shrink!!)

I’m linking up at THE EXTRAORDINARY ORDINARY – JUST WRITE, THE FOURTH